Weird. Very weird.

That can apply to so many things, but right now, let’s just let it apply to this posting in that the last post I wrote was SO happy and hoppy and full of hope and excitement and such. Now- well…not so much. 

I don’t know why….well, I don’t know why A LOT of things. If that makes any sense. Lots and lots of unanswered questions that may or may not be answered…ever or anytime soon. I don’t know. I have lots and lots of unresolved….um…issues (not the right word, but it’ll work here). Selfishly, I want to know why- I want to know all these answers, and I want to know them now. I want to know why I’m here, what the point of all this is and what the outcome will be. I can’t fix anything. I can’t answer anything. I don’t know a whole lot right now. And I find myself in a predicament. 

I am trusting of the Lord and His will for my life, not my will. I know that I know that I KNOW that He is faithful and will deliver on His promises. When I gave my life to Him, laid down my life at the foot of the cross and said I’d follow Him and Him alone, it meant that I would follow Him and Him alone through whatever he allowed to come my way- and all for His glory. Trusting in His Word, being faithful to His commands, sacrificing my life for His glory alone…the whole reason we are even here on this earth. I say I am trusting, anyway. It takes great faith to say that and then actually live it out- faith which I’m not totally sure I have enough of at this very moment. It’s always easier to believe and have “that kind of faith” when things are good and joyful and it’s easy to praise God- it’s a much different kind of faith when you’re sad and down, when life is “suckola” and it’s hard to praise God. I have few people in my life, personally, and hear of few people around the world who have that kind of faith and actually live it out on a daily basis. It’s hard, and it takes self-sacrifice (something which we humans are just not good at!) and it takes the grace that Jesus gives us to even have that ability to have the faith in Him that He WILL do what He says because He is LORD- if He doesn’t, He negates His very nature, which would mean I’m here for absolutely no purpose at all. I find myself doubting my faith, wondering if I have what it takes to make it through (insert situation/place in life). 

A dear friend recently told me that the Lord never brings us to a stormy sea without His hand first stirring up the waters- or allowing them to be stirred. She also told me that it’s during these times we spend SO much time wondering “why?” and questioning God and trying to fix it and resolve it and “close it” or make it right…when we should be using that time to gain a better understanding of Jesus’ love for us. Instead of trying to fix it and do all those things (read: control all those things), we should be drawing close to Him for our comfort, especially in the middle of something that really hurts, in the middle of grief or loss or despair, especially in the middle of things that just don’t seem to make any sense- at all. 

I know that the Lord is in control, I know that He has a plan (I wish that He would let me in on His plan, but anyway….), I know that I am where I am for His reasons and His glory alone whether it has anything to do with my happiness or not, I know that His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways, I know that this rough patch of life (however long it may last or have lasted) is most likely small in the grand scheme of things, I know that there are many lessons to be learned right now. I know all of this. God, deepen my faith in You! God, increase my faith and strength as I grow in the grace and knowledge of You! Oh, Father, grant me an accepting and trusting heart of anything You bring my way. Lord, let me praise You and bring glory to Your name in whatever befalls me or makes me joyful! 

There are more than a few songs that are on constant playback- either in my head (very likely), on my iPod (very likely) or on my playlist when at the computer (totally likely). Here are just a few: 

*honestly this one seems like it was made just for me* 

Tenth Avenue North- Hold My Heart                                   

How long must I pray, must I pray to You? How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long ‘til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I’m on my knees, begging You to notice me- I’m on my knees, Father, will you turn to me? 

One tear in the driving rain, one voice in a sea of pain, could the Maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life is all I am- right now I can barely stand. 
If You’re everything You say You are would You come close and hold my heart. 

I’ve been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes- so much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there’s no other way I’m done asking why
‘Cause I’m on my knees, begging You to turn to me- I’m on my knees, Father, will You run to me? 

One tear in the driving rain, one voice in a sea of pain, could the Maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life is all I am- right now I can barely stand.
If You’re everything You say You are would You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain… I can’t see but I’ll take my chances to hear You call my name, to hear You call my name…. 

Jimmy Needham- Hurricane 

I need you like a hurricane, thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tears my walls down, I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame, a wild fire untamed to burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now, I’m only Yours now 

I am Yours are You are mine, You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need, then I’ll receive it, Lord, from thee
Yes, I’ll receive it, Lord, from thee 

And it’s Your eye in the storm, watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm, wanting only good for me
And if You are the war, let me be Your casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone, I am only Yours, I am Yours alone, Lord . . . 

33 Miles- Apologize 

 I can’t run, I can’t hide, it don’t matter how hard I try
To move on, but

I don’t want to leave it, bury it and forget
I’ve already wasted so much time
Can’t wait another moment, am I all out of chances
For you to believe it’s on my mind
I’ve gotta let go of my pride and apologize

I thought I would never let go
never thought I could know what it’s like
To wake up, holding what I gave up,
After all this time still trying to find
What it is to forgive even when it isn’t that easy
so please believe me, cause 

I don’t want to leave it, bury it and forget
I’ve already wasted so much time
Can’t wait another moment, am I all out of chances
For you to believe it’s on my mind
I’ve gotta let go of my pride and apologize

If I caused you pain, I will take the blame
You can put it on me
if I broke your heart, if I left a scar
let me say I’m sorry.

 Third Day- Cry Out to Jesus 

To everyone who’s lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there’s nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He’ll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that’s struggling just to hang on
They’ve lost all of their faith in love
They’ve done all they can to make it right again
Still it’s not enough

For the ones who can’t break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you’re not alone in your shame
And your suffering

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He’ll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

Third Day- Call My Name

It’s been so long since you felt like you were loved
so what went wrong
but do you know there’s a place where you belong
here in My arms

when you feel like you’re alone in your sadness
it seems like no one else in this whole world cares
and you want to get away from the madness
you just call My name and I’ll be there
you just call My name and I’ll be there

the pain inside has erased your hope for love
soon you will find that I’ll give you all
that your heart could ever want and so much more

when you feel like you’re alone in your sadness
it seems like no one else in this whole world cares
and you want to get away from the madness
you just call My name and I’ll be there
you just call My name and I’ll be there

call My name, say it now
I want you to never doubt the love I have for you is so alive
call My name, say it now
I want you to never doubt the love I have for you is so alive

“hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend’s back!”

Yes, he’s home! Yes, he has returned! The baby boy has found his way home, home, home, home (I’m quoting Marc Broussard there).

We had a great time of reconnecting some on Friday morning- my expectations were set very low (because of all the recent turmoil in getting out there and not being able to see him), so when he called an hour and half earlier than I expected him to, I was SO excited (that’s an understatement). (More, I was happy that I had taken a shower and was almost finished getting ready when he called- the other things I’d planned to do between then and the time he was supposed to call were kicked to the curb!) We met outside the hotel, and that time together was so sweet. Too quick and albeit a bit rushed, but so sweet.

In our time together, he took me around the base and showed me exactly where I’d be coming from and exactly where I’d be going- the route to take and everything. (Good thinking, baby- REALLY good. Good call.) He showed me where he’d been for the past 3 months- his dorm, gym, DFAC, BX, comissary, library, bank, track and field…. It was really neat to see where he’d called “home” for 3 months, but I could feel the excitement in the car and how very, very ready he was to get out of there. I don’t think either of us will ever be able to say “Texas” again and not a feel a certain angst and emotion that goes with that name. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Anyway- he told me to be there 30 minutes early, I showed up an hour early. (Might as well try to be really really early in case something goes wrong [which I was sure it would've considering the past few days!].) I sat outside the hangar and watched, from afar, the Commander’s Call that happens every Friday at 150oh. I saw them dispersing and began to make my way inside. He had shown me earlier where to go, which doors to go into (again, calmed my nerves because I felt like I had control over something and I knew exactly where to go and when to be there- thanks, again, babe…), so I made my way inside and peeked in. Half of his class (including him) was already in there, sitting, waiting on instructions. They all turned around to see who it was that was coming in, and I saw a huge smile on his face (and then subsequent blushing!). I sat in the back and tried to control myself . He looked so handsome in his blues! The instructor (whom I knew from pictures only) began to go through the procedures for graduation and waited on a few more of their classmates to come in. He greeted me as “ma’am” and even included me in the ceremony (”we are happy to have our commander here for today’s ceremonies and also Jennifer Bush in support of Airman Roberts”). That was completely unnecessary, though, as I didn’t want any attention called to myself. They had a few minutes between the run-through and the actual ceremony- S got up from his seat with a huge smile on his face (nice that I can elicit that from him…. ) and since there’s no PDA when a serviceman is in uniform, I initiated the well-known “knuckles”, which was almost neater than a hug in uniform. And man alive, did that kid ever look handsome! He was so excited to be there- to be THERE and be within arm’s reach of being FINISHED, but to be getting his top graduate award as well. We had a few moments together, then the ceremony began. The room was pretty full because there were other students watching the graduation as well- and booooy, was it hot. The A/C was working double-time and still not keeping up. The commander came in, we all stood, listened to the National Anthem and continued on. TSGT Lovell was in charge of the ceremony and he introduced the commander and myself (again, totally unnecessary, but maybe it made S feel good!). He shared a few stories, a few anecdotes, then proceeded with the graduation. Everyone (all 8 of them!) shook hands w/the commander, were presented w/their certificate, got their maintenance badges pinned on their left chest, saluted the commander and walked off as a graduate from USAF Tech School. It was fantastic- and my boy was grinning ear to ear. They all were presented as graduates, everyone clapped, then they “zippered out” (one from the left side, one from the right, one from the left, etc.) and we were all asked to congraulate them on our way out. They came back in, we made some pictures, then headed back to his dorm. He changed (I waited- story of my life…) and got the rest of his stuff to pack in his already packed-up-and-ready-to-hit-the-road Maxima, then we hit the road. We drove from there to Dallas where I dropped off my car at Budget (thanks, Budget, for working with me), then began to make our way back towards home.

The music was blaring (of course, that’s the way we like it!), the lightning show was on in full force (but no rain, thankfully), I was SO happy to have my precious uniformed man next to me in the car, and I was anticipating an incredible ride home….filled with some talking, lots of singing and invisible-drum-playing, lots of smiles and stolen kisses and stopping for gas and caffeine.

But why would I think ANYTHING about that trip would work out the way it was supposed to? Again, here’s what actually happened….

We stopped for food (for me- he hasn’t been eating like he should b/c he said the food wasn’t great and he was only really eating one meal a day- how he survived, I have no idea!) at McDonald’s. I know- sounds bad- but I planned it that way. I’d planned my cheat day so that I could whatever whenever on the trip home, so that he wouldn’t have to stop and find me something healthy to eat somewhere and I could have caffeine-infused calorie-laden drinks to keep me up for the ride back home. We got food and I went to the gas station next door to get some energy-in-a-bottle (5 hour energy)…and I picked up some NoDoz, too. Bad idea. Well, something about one of those or the combination of those didn’t sit well with my stomach, and no less than an hours later, it hit me like a mac truck. I was staring out the window trying to keep my food down. S looked at me a few times- my peripheral vision is good- and I could see he was concerned but I was just concentrating on not…getting…sick…in…his…car. What a horrible feeling that is. I hate it! So we stopped to let me go to the bathroom and get something to hopefully settle my stomach. Of course, the place we stopped didn’t have any Drammamine (she’d thrown out the last bit of she’d had a few weeks earlier and I’d been the only one to stop in and ask since- go figure.) so I got some Pepto tablets and some 7Up. YUCK. I got in the car and felt better for a total of about 11 minutes, then it came back on again. So the next time we stopped (I asked him to stop 20 minutes earlier than he was planning on stopping), we stopped at a more reputable place and I DID find Drammamine- though I also got Sominex (so at least if I puked I’d sleep through it) and some Coke. Again- nothing doing. Didn’t help and the Drammamine didn’t help me sleep either. I was miserable. AND I was anxious about getting sick, which doesn’t make my stomach feel any better and only perpetuates that horrible feeling.

What was worse is that I felt like I’d completely screwed up S’ plans for driving home, though he seemed OK. I asked him a few times if he was angry with me because he was soooo quiet I was afraid he was angry with me (secretly, I think he was, but if he’s says he’s not, I’m going to take him at his word!). There were SO many things I wanted to talk to him about and get his opinion on and hear from him, and none of it happened because I was terrified that if I moved one inch or said even one sentence, it would have aaaaall been over. (Ha, literally.) There were SO many times I looked at him and just watched him sing, watched him drive, thought about what I wanted to say. I reached over a few times and touched his arm, brushed his arm with my hand and left my hand there, simply so I could have some contact with him. I needed it so badly. In my haze of Drammamine and anxiousness and nausea, I remember hearing some really good songs and I wanted SO badly to get up and sing along with them, but I knew that was out of the question. I can’t believe I made it all the way back and didn’t get sick. How did THAT happen? “What a BEAUTIFUL sight!!!” I wanted to yell as we watched the sunrise together from the car. Then we came through Tuscaloosa and started seeing the familiar sights of 459…of McCalla, of Bessemer, of Hoover, of the Summit, then making our way onto 280. I could only muster a smile and a “welcome home, baby…” as flew past Target, headed for the house. Fitting end, huh?

We made it back and he took me home with him (again, thank you, baby- sweet move) and I immediately went to the downstairs bedroom (”the cave”) and tried to sleep it off. S was able to spend a few minutes with his parents, then he went upstais and went into a sleep-induced coma. No more had he gotten upstairs and settled than the rain started coming down and the thunder and lightning began again. By the time I was able to walk normally again, it was about 11, so I made my way upstairs and found a note from his parents saying they’d gone to run a few errands. I tried to eat a little something (but that didn’t work) and piddled around the house- watched the rain come down, returned some voice mails, wrote a bit, etc. They came home about noon, which is about the time S woke up and joined us. We all talked for a few minutes, then I started getting bags in and helping S unpack some. His sister and her girls came over a little while later- I heard them upstairs. I finally had enough energy to take a shower and I thought “I probably need to put some clothes on in case a little girl finds her way downstairs before I’m dressed….” and sure enough, here comes niece #1 peeking her head around the corner no sooner than I’d gotten the shirt over my head. Precious little girl!

We all got to hang out together- in the house and around the pool- most everyone got in the pool, but S’ sister and mama and myself all hung out around the pool. That is…until S and his sister decided to throw me in…fully clothed. Awesome. It was fun, however, I have to admit. I had a blast- even fully clothed. We played around with each other and the kids were climbing all over us and jumping in everywhere and showing us diving and horseplay skills We had a blast, then we all jumped out and dried off. His sister and I went to get dinner-making stuff and we all had dinner together. We got to hang out some, then we were all off to bed. (Including me! I stayed downstairs !)

I was able to wake up rested and refreshed (thank you, Sominex!) and had breakfast w/my precious boy and his parents before heading to church. I was SO excited to be there with him in the morning, to see him dressed in his blues and ready for church and then to get to go to church with him after 15 weeks of going alone (well, not totally alone- C and C were always there!). It was just exactly how I’d imagined it- we listened to some music on the way, I kissed him at the red light I always kiss him at and we parked and walked up to church together hand-in-hand. As he was in his dress blues (and looking SO darn handsome!), more than a few people walked up to him and shook his hand and thanked him for his service to our country. My heart swelled with pride each and every time, and I remembered how fortunate I was that God gave me him. I’m sure there were so many people looking at him and oohing and ahhhing over this military man (which he, of course, loved every second of!), and I was so happy to be a part of his “glory”. I so VERY much enjoyed looking over at him during church, resting my hand on his thigh, holding his hand during prayer…it was fantastic. I was so happy to be there with him after so, so long of not.

We went to eat w/C and C afterward, got caught in a monsoon and drove home where we both changed and were able to have some time together- nothing exciting, no pressure on either of us, just watching TV and enjoying having each other next to us. It was fantastic- I’m so, SO glad he’s home.

MY PRECIOUS BOY IS HOME!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

I GOT TO SEE MY PRECIOUS LOVE A FEW HOURS AGO!!!!

He was able to meet me outside my hotel, and we were able to reconnect and hug and hold each other for awhile. It was so great- though not what I intended, it’s what God planned for us, and I’m accepting of that.

We were able to see each other in a comfortable setting, then go to the base and get my visitor’s pass, see where he’s been calling home for the past 14 weeks or more and then go grab some lunch. It was great- very surreal. It was very, VERY surreal and strange to be sitting across from him at lunch. LITERALLY, sitting across from him. Able to touch him. Able to look at him and smile. Able to see HIM smile and laugh. It was great to reconnect a bit and see each other after SOOOOO long of not. I’m excited for the next few hours (graduation is at 1700h) and the drive home. It’ll be hard, but he’ll be home and ultimately, that’s where he wants to be, so I’m good.

UPDATES (including pictures) TO COME IN THE NEAR FUTURE! Please be in prayer for a safe and uneventful ride home as we drive through the night to get home tomorrow morning.

Praise be to the Lord, for He is good.

The surprise that wasn’t….and a pretty bad day.

No, these problems are not huge, even slightly big, to others. They pale in comparison to others’ problems- issues like terminal illnesses, trouble paying the car note and mortgage because one or both are looking for jobs (not careers but A JOB period), a parent who is dying, a child who is trying every last bit of their patience…or the really bad stuff like no clean and/or running water, no clothes, no food, no Bibles, no parents, no hope. However, this day was big for me and had been planned to be that way for some time.

This was supposed to be one of the coolest posts I’ve ever put up here; however, as you’ll soon see, it is, sadly, NOT.

Today was supposed to be the day that I surprised S here in Wichita Falls. I’d schemed a fantastic plan to get out here and unbeknownst to him, be waiting at the local Best Buy when he came to pick up a surprise I’d told him would be delivered there (that would be me).  We meet, we reconnect, we talk for awhile, we hang out, he goes to class, he aces test, he graduates, we ride back together, end of fantastic surprise story. However….this is what happened.

The day started off early (0300h) and I made it to the airport early (thanks, boyfriend’s mom!) and breezed through security with my bag. I’d made sure to pack everything perfectly and leave the clear plastic bag full of all my 3 oz containers (freakin’ terrorists…) on top so they could check it out. I packed as light as possible, keeping in mind that my stuff was going back w/my boyfriend in his car…and aaaaall the stuff he’s collected over his 3 months in Wichita Falls. They said there were more than a few things w/more than 3 oz of fluid in them (whatever) so they made me check it- back to the front of the terminal, check it, back through the security line, back through the checking of everything else, etc. I leave basically on time, though they said there was a “thunderstorm” near Dallas, so they weren’t allowing us to leave as scheduled b/c we’d be wasting gas riding around in the air when we got there (i.e., unable to land). They let us leave anyway. We have a pretty uneventful flight, except for the constant circus in my stomach. (No food + angst + nervousness= yucky-feeling Jen.) It got better for awhile, then I got more nervous, thinking about what was to come, wondering if everything would work out OK. (Little did I know.) Thankfully, the Coke (and second Coke) and fun, plane shaped graham cracker snacks made a dent in my hunger and helped ease the nausea- for a bit, anyway. (The same medicine could not work, though, for the crying, screaming, tantrum-pitching child in front of me. ALL. THE. WAY. THERE.) Then we started circling Dallas. ‘Round and ’round we went, everyone wondering. The pilot said we were going to wait a bit and see if we could get in b/c the weather was so bad- I got pictures of the clouds. They didn’t look that terrifying to me- but I’m not a weather forecaster or a pilot, so what do I know? We continued to stay in a holding pattern FOR AN HOUR. That’s right. Then we were diverted to San Antonio. SAN AN-FREAKING- TONIO. So now I’m thinking…OK. Now what? If I get stuck here, what do I do? Can I rent a car and drive to WF? Nope. San Antonio doesn’t do one-way rentals. I can’t get a new flight to Dallas b/c they’re not letting anyone land there. My head is spinning, I’m still nauseated, the kid in front of me is screaming bloody murder because his mother is making him sit  on his bottom w/his seat belt on and I’m sitting at San Antonio on the tarmac w/the rest of the plane wondering what’s next. This is soooo not what I had planned.

I turn on my phone to start making some calls and doing some research and find I don’t have but a sliver of battery left. My best friend calls, S’ mom calls, there are 5 emails (work), 4 texts…and then S calls. He wonders why I’m so down and what’s wrong- remember, at this point he has no idea what’s going on. I try to keep the secret, but end up telling him what his surprise is, though it’s not looking like he’s going to get much of a surprise considering I’m supposed to see him in 2 hours, and I’m in San Antonio. On a plane. Buckled in and not going anywhere. SO- I tell him and he is surprised, I guess- with him, it’s hard to tell sometimes what’s surprised and what’s normal. Plus, I’m ticked off that I HAVE to tell him, so I’m probably reading into it. (I hope I am, anyway.) Back to it- I tell him where I am. “I’m….(big sigh) in San Antonio.” “Oh, you ARE, are you?” he says, very surprised to hear those words leave my mouth. Yes, I tell him- and continue to tell him what SHOULD have happened and what HAS happened and what I don’t know WILL happen. He tries to talk me through it, but no amount of anyone talking me through anything could have made that better. We talk for awhile then continue to text afteward while I’m waiting on some sense of direction and time for the day. (The Lord definitely had His hand in continuing the battery life b/c I am NOT kidding it was about to die when we started talking.) OK, so the flight attendants (who were fantasic through it all, by the way- thanks to Cami, Patti and Mitch) start moving people off the plane who are actually stepping off at San Antonio (so this diversion saves them a few hours), leaving the rest of us to figure out where everyone’s going and when they need to be there. Collective thought, hands raised to questions asked about different destinations, more waiting, more wondering, people step off to go to the bathroom and get drinks, more collective thought, everyone on cell phones making new arrangements, announcements galore across the plane’s intercom, flight attendant telling jokes and singing songs in the aisle, etc. They are trying so hard to keep us all somewhat happy, but props to all the ones on my plane, they all did great. Everyone was very patient, even though we wanted to hit and throw things (I would have been the ringleader of all that.) SO…they finally come on about 2 hours later and say we’re boarding (hence, leaving) immediately and taking on passengers from San Antonio who are headed to San Diego. (Apparently they stop in DAL.) We board, full to the brim (including 4 extra screaming children) and sit. And we sit. And we sit some more. We wait for 30 minutes, then finally take off. I think I have never been so excited to take off, my flight at 0705 that same morning notwithstanding. We take off and they start throwing drinks and peanuts to everyone to appease us (though we’re pretty cool) and I sit next to a guy named Ted who immediately dozes off (lucky jerk). I try to sleep b/c at this point, I know I’m not going to see S until after he gets out of class and I can’t do anything about- it’s all out of my hands and even if I broke every speed limit possible, I couldn’t get to him before he goes to class. So I’ve given up that dream- plus, he already knows the surprise is up, so whatever. At this point, I only want to be on the ground and out of this BLASTED plane (and that’s saying something because I LOVE to fly). SO…we get to DAL….and we’re put in a holding pattern. A. HOLDING. PATTERN. Are you freaking KIDDING ME????!!!! We’re circling, wasting gas (yet again) and after 45 minutes (!!!!!!!!!!!!) of circling are finally allowed to join in line with those waiting to land. A “50 minute flight gate to gate” has turned into an hour and 45 minutes. I have never been so excited to see the ground. We land. I thank all the flight attendants and they wish me luck with the next few hours (by now, they know the story- heehee ).  I deplane and go to baggage. Someone has messed up the bags and where my bags should have been, they were not. They should not have been, they were. I am frustrated. I finally find my bag (which shouldn’t have been checked in the first place) and head to get my car. I finally find the shuttle to Enterprise and they take me to get my car. Offering me a bottle of water (which was drained in a matter of 75 seconds) was a treat. They take all my information and my reservation number…and then proceed to ask for my round-trip ticket itinerary so that I can pay with my debit card. I tell them over and over and over again that I booked the reservation with Enterprise SPECIFICALLY for that reason- I don’t use credit cards b/c I don’t like them and they get me in trouble. I don’t have a credit card I can use, which is the WHOLE reason I booked w/Enterprise in the first place. I told them that the lady I had talked to when I made the reservation originally said that I could pay with a debit card even though I didn’t have a R/T itinerary, that everyone I talked to required it but Enterprise did not- that they would simply freeze the deposit in my checking account and release it when I returned the car and the keys. This didn’t happen, obviously (because why woudl ANYTHING go according to plan on this day?). I am not sad or about to cry by this point, I am MAD. Livid. About to throw things, MAD. The manager says he doesn’t mind running my debit card and he’d do it if the computer will let him, but it can’t be charged by the same company twice in the same hour. I don’t understand this, but he explains to me it can’t be done…and I feel like I’m up a creek. He tries to get me in touch w/another company they own, but can’t get in touch w/anyone at the desk, so he takes me himself. I get there, hopeful to be moving on….and they tell me the same thing. I feel like dissolving in a little puddle of nothingness on the floor and leaving them to clean up the mess. This time, no one tries to help me at all. So I go to my trusty Blackberry (thank you, GOD, for wonderful technology and people who know how to make it work)… and it’s dead. DEAD. And I can’t find an outlet to plug it in (story of the day). I finally find one in the restroom (HA! and you thought the story couldn’t get any better…) and start on my search. The first one I get to (thank you, Lord, for directing my fingers and thoughts to the answer right away) is Budget- I call and get a reservation immediately, all the while asking over and over again “do I need a return itinerary to use a debit card? Are you sure? Are you positive? I won’t get over there and be told it can’t be done?” She assures me this won’t be a problem, and I am cautiously excited to be possibly leaving the place I’ve been dying to get to since 0705 this morning. (WHEW.) However…I’m at the car rental place, so I catch their shuttle back to the airport to see the Budget shuttle in front of me. I grab my stuff and shuffle there, tapping on his window to let me in. He gets me to the office, I meet a very nice lady who takes excellent care of me and puts me in a red Ford Focus. (Y’all, this car is NICE, by the way!) I move through efficiently and easily and head out toward Wichita Falls. And the time? The time is now 1645- S has been in class for 45 mintues and I haven’t even left the airport that I was supposed to fly into at 0850 yet. Unbelievable.

SO…I make the 2 hour trek to Wichita Falls, check into my m/hotel (which is great) and meet the lady I’ve been talking to for a month about my room (she’s the one at the front desk)- she’s fantastic. She wishes me a great night. By now I can barely see straight b/c there’s a mixture of nervousness and anxiousness and not eating and complete excitement at the thought of seeing my boy in a few minutes or a few hours, whenever he gets out of class. I go in and refresh my makeup, curl my hair again, spritz some perfume…and then he calls. I am SO excited to see his name and picture pull up on my phone! We talk for a few minutes and I say “so….come see me!” and he says matter-of-factly…”nope. Can’t. Can’t leave base ’til midnight.” He continues to talk for the next minute and half or so on and off, but I don’t remember any of the words that came out of his mouth. Again- are you FREAKING KIDDING ME???!!!! I make this whole trek out here and I have to wait AGAIN??!! AGAIN???!!!! This can’t be happening. But oh yes, it is. He says he’s sorry and he was under the impression that he’d be able to leave directly after his test (after all, what ELSE were they going to do?), but his instructor said they couldn’t leave. And he’s certainly not going to come over at midnight b/c he needs to sleep as much as possible if he’s driving back directly after graduation. So…I hang up with him as soon as possible and dissolve in a pool of tears and screaming in a pillow. I haven’t cried like that since the day he left. Pretty fitting, huh?, considering that’s the way he left- I guess that’s the way he should come back, too. It was NOT a good day. I went to the store to get some “help” for sleeping that night- while I should have been thoroughly exhausted, I was not. I am headed to bed now, hoping and praying for a better day tomorrow.

I’m mad, I’m sad, I’m confused, I’m ticked off, I feel like I wasted a whole lot of time and money and I brought a lot of stress and heartache on myself for absolutely nothing. I have blisters and raw places on the back of my achilles tendons from the heels I was NOT supposed to be wearing for 9 hours. My toes are swollen (not much, but it’s something else to add to the list- sure, why not?!) from being in said shoes for 9 hours. The TSA agent who checked my bag didn’t put back my 3/4 full bottle of Proactiv that he took out at 0630 this morning, so if I go back and it’s not there, I’ll have to buy more. (Another $20 down the drain.) I won’t be able to see him ’til tomorrow, so I feel like the whole freaking day has been a waste, and a lot of time and energy and heartache and stress for nothing in return at all.

I am praying for a much better day tomorrow.

13 weeks down… 4 (FOUR!) DAYS TO GO!!!

I’m literally having to keep myself from bouncing up and down as I write this. I. AM. SO. EXCITED. I. JUST. ABOUT. CAN’T. STAND. IT.

I have a great big honkin’ surprise prepared for him- you who follow this blog (all..what, 2 of you?) will be the first ones to find out as soon as it happens. Well, that and anyone who sees my Facebook status that day. (By the way, Facebook is fast approaching one of the top things I’m so grateful to technology for- and to the nerds that started it!). Anyway- just stay tuned- it’s gonna be great. He’s getting daily hints of what his surprise will be, and it’s keeping him in complete suspense. He has no idea (I don’t think…hmmm….), and I intend to keep it that way. As technology is SO great these days, should I put it on my blog or on Facebook, it’ll be JUST my luck that I’ll ruin my own surprise before I even get to dish it out. SO. Mouth shut!

In 4 days I will see my boy for the first time in 3 months! Unbelievable! Mentally, he’s already gone- already outta there, checked out, paid the tab, done-zo, etc. Unless he miserably bombs this last test (to be taken Thursday evening), he will make his coveted Distinguished Graduate award. YAY! I’m so proud of him, as this has taken hard work, lots of studying, dedication and sacrifice on his part to excel at something few have the drive to accomplish. He deserves every bit of that award and so much more. Way to go, babe! (I’m assuming here- guess I’ll have to wait to congratulate him!)

I just realized this! I guess this is the last post asking for prayer for my guy as he goes through his training at tech school! Awww- that makes me a little sad- but I’m over it now. HA! Just to see how far we’ve come and what we’ve been through in 3 months and what we’ve learned…holy cow. It’s been a long 3 months. We (BOTH) are so thankful to have this trial almost finished and be on the verge of getting back to something resembling normalcy. He’s packing stuff up, going through processing details, closing up mailboxes, readying himself for graduation day and to get the heck out of there. Don’t think we’ll be taking any trips to Texas anytime soon, will we?  He won’t go back there for awhile!

Thank you all for you constant prayers for him, for his family and for me as we’ve been through this. Thank you all for praying for him, for praying specifically for him and the requests I’ve thrown your way. We know that this is our duty and our privilege as brothers and sisters in Christ, to interced on each other’s behalf and carry burdens for each other that are difficult to bear. This was very unexpected and very new for him, as he wasn’t planning on having a girlfriend back at home to “have to” take care of and call to talk to and worry about and blahblahblah. He did great, we both learned a lot and his family and I have grown soooo much closer (love y’all, by the way). It’s crazy, but I believe I know them better than I do him- but that’s what happens when you get to know someone(s) in 3 months. Ya get to know each other! I LOVE THEM!

All that said…the next few posts should be really good, so STAY TUNED! Good things to come! 

12 weeks down….10 days and counting

10 DAYS. Unbelievable.

The boy will be coming home a full 3 days early, so I’m happy, his family is happy and we’re (all) ready to have him home and back to some sense of normalcy. A regular work schedule (albeit at the base for a month on active duty), dinners with family and friends, church on Sundays, text messages and emails that don’t have to cross 776 miles , seeing his car parked at it’s regular parking space when I go downtown to show lofts and such…etc. Very excited- getting more excited by the day.

I was telling someone that I only have to wait 10 more days (I can count it on 2 hands!) until I get to see him. 3…long…months…today. Has it really been that long? And why does it feel like longer most days and shorter on others? Weird.

He’s still on track to be the DG, so everyone’s praying for continued success and focus in that capacity. He’s ready to come home, so we’re also continuing to pray for focus there, as well. It’s got to be SO hard when the end is in sight, right there within arms reach and you just want to dump it all and run…but you know you can’t. He’s learned so much through this- I can’t wait to hear what he has to say and talk about and remember (or not remember!). 

On another note… the BIG HAIRCUT is tomorrow at 0900h.  (It’s for Locks of Love, btw, if you haven’t been paying attention.) I’m quite anxious. I know it’s just hair and it’ll grow if I don’t like it, but….eeeesh. I’m still nervous. So if you see me and you don’t like it….just tell me you do and fake it! 

Surprises in store for the next week or so. Stay tuned

JUST FREAKING KIDDING! CHANGE OF PLANS…YET AGAIN!!!!!

WELL . . . I should’ve expected this. I SOOOOO should have expected this. 

S’ graduation date has been changed YET AGAIN. And we won’t get to go. 

Apparently, they (his flight) all got together and decided that they wanted to graduate early, and my guy was the only one who really had a problem with it. Of course, they’re not going to keep the date the same for one person, so they changed the date. He’s now graduating on June 12. Thaaaaaaat’s right . . . one day before we were supposed to go out there, he’ll be graduating. So here I am, letting my feelings be known. I know, “crybaby, crybaby”…but here it is anyway.

I’m livid. I’m ticked off for a few reasons, one of the top reasons being we don’t get our money back. So not ONLY do I not get to spend time w/his mama on a flight out there (and anyone who knows me knows how I love planes and flights and airports)… not ONLY do I not get to see him achieve what he’s been working for since March 11… not ONLY do I not get to get out of this blasted city from which I was looking for a vacation… not ONLY do I not get to spend lots of time with him in the car on the way back… not ONLY does he have to come back home the same way he went out there (ALONE)… not ONLY am I absolutely kicking myself for not insisting on flying Southwest… not ONLY will I not be able to get pictures of my boy graduating with honors…but we don’t get even a BIT of our money back. See? Pissed, I tell you. I work hard for that money, and it’s just wasted. Hours of work, down the drain. 

OK . . . good things . . .

~ he’s coming home earlier
~ he’ll be able to start (and subsequently finish) his month of active duty earlier hich means he can go back to his “day job” earlier
~ he’ll have more time to spend w/his brother before he goes to Latvia (mission/research trip)
~ we don’t have to spend money on gas/food/hotel/car while we’re (not) there
~ I don’t have to skip work (wait, why is this good?)
~ he’s coming home EARLIER
~ I don’t have to buy the really hot clothes I was wanting to buy- haha
~ did I mention he’s coming home earlier?  

So, yes… I am upset. I am mad. I am incredibly disappointed. I am actually not that shocked. (I knew- I KNEW- in my heart that something like this would happen. I just KNEW it.) I am out that money I (we) spent, and ticked off that I (we) won’t get any return on it whatsoever. I am frustrated. (I am beyond frustrated, truth be told.) 

However… I am patient. I am understanding (or so I say I am). I am obedient to God’s will and His timing. I am (going to be) content in the fact that His timing is not mine, His ways are not mine and His thoughts are not mine. I am (going to be) resting in His faithfulness and His peace, not drowning myself in the pit of sorrow and anger that I could be in at the very moment and up until the time he physically leaves Wichita Falls, Texas. I am thankful- grateful- that He is bringing my boy home 3 days earlier than expected and that I will see him on the same day I was going to see him, albeit later in the day and with less pictures. :) am relying on God’s reasoning and perfect will that there is a reason behind this. I am confident in the Lord to bring HIS plans to fruition through His obedient and less-than-perfect servant-children. I am praising HIS wondeful name and giving HIM the glory for bringing S through this and keeping him safe and healthy and uplifting him through this trial. 

I told S that the only thing I wanted for my birthday was him home, and I’m getting that.

So. There it is. 

IT’S JUNE!

Thank you, GOD, for days that move faster than most, to get us to the month that I’ve been waiting for since March 11. Actually, I’ve been waiting on it for longer than that, truth be told (because we knew from the get-go that this would probably be a trial), but certainly since March 11.

Ah, yes, GOOD things happen in June!
~ I start school again tonight. (This isn’t necessarily “good” right now, only in that I’m finishing. UGH.)
~ I’ll get my hair chopped for Locks of Love this Thursday. (At least 10 inches- GONE.)
~ My daddy’s birthday is the 9th.
~ My sister-in-law’s birthday is the 12th.
~ I get to fly to Texas with my “Mama Sandra” to pick up my MAN and bring him home! (This should be first, but I’m trying for chronological order.)
~ We’ll get to see S for the whole weekend, then watch him graduate, then bring him home on Tuesday. That should be an…interesting to drive, to say the least!
~ My brother’s and my birthday on the 20th! This is a milestone for me(30), but I feel good about it. Michael will be 27 and has finished up his 1st year of med school. UNBELIEVABLE.
~ We ALL get to celebrate Father’s Day the day after our birthdays.
~ My brother and his wife celebrate their 5 year anniversary of being married to each other on the 26th.
~ S and I get to go to his 10 year high school reunion on the 27th!!
~ The above-mentioned date just happens to be a DEAR friend’s birthday, too.

As you can see, June is very full- of SUCH wonderful things!

My precious boy will graduate 2 weeks from tonight- and I’ll be there! Along with his mama, we’ll both get to see him graduate (as a Distinguished Graduate, we believe!) from tech school at Sheppard Air Force Base in Wichita Falls, Texas. No more having to remember when he’s in class so I can send him encouraging text messages, no more crazy schedule changes, no more long-distance calls (not that I pay for long-distance, I just hate him being “long-distance”!), no more accountability at certain hours of the day and weekend, no more forced PT (not the WORST things out there, surely), no more forced shaving, no more sending packages and waiting for them to get there (and waiting for him to check his mail!), no more doing double-duty at church with sermon notes (though that’s something I will miss, actually)…no more boyfriend in Wichita Falls, Texas. WOOHOO! YIPPEE! HALLELUJAH! More catch phrases I can’t think of right now!!

So there’s the quick update for now- we are anxiously counting down the days, though I believe mentally, S is already gone. Poor guy- we’re within DAYS of him being able to see on 2 hands the day he comes home, so it’s pretty tough for him right now. More to come later….

11 weeks down, 18 days to go!

18 days. Wow. That’s fantastic. Bring it on!

My boy has taken his 5th of 6 tests and scored a beautiful 98 on it, which keeps him as the top candidate for the Distinguished Graduate award, which he desperately wants. One more to go and he’ll know for sure! His schedule is still very full, his meetings aren’t as frequent and his running (on his own time) is on the upswing as he wants to train for the USAF marathon in September. (Maybe his girlfriend will go along with him and run the 1/2 marathon…?)

He is terribly anxious to get home, and I’m certain that will only increase over the next 18 days. (I really think it’s more like 17, but I’m at the point where I don’t care about the math anymore!) Of course he can’t wait to get back to a sense of normalcy again, though for the first month back, it won’t be normal as he will be on active duty at the base. BUT HE WILL BE HOME.    There will most definitely be a period of adjustment when he returns, which I am not looking forward to (let’s just be honest), but we will get through it! I wonder how many other couples get to (read: have to) go through things like this…? 

I like looking forward to the end of his time in Texas. I’m just about over this stuff… 

Continued prayers requests include ability to focus, continued buffered immune system, an injury-free body while he starts (and continues) his marathon training program, continued communication with the ones back home, time to study and time alone with God. Thank you all for your continued prayers! 18 days to go- almost there!

Daddies and daughters :)

My father never ceases to amaze me. He is such an astounding picture of my Heavenly Father and His love and adoration and abounding grace for me.

Those of you who are fathers (and mothers, for that matter) know what it’s like to feel unconditional love for your child, to do everything in your power to never let them be bullied or be sick or feel an ounce of pain, to want only the best for them and expect nothing in return, to shower love and grace and mercy on them as if they were the only ones in the world. I do not. I am not a parent. I have 2 dogs and that’s about as close as I come to not wanting anyone to hurt “my babies”. (I know all of you parents are rolling on the floor laughing at this HORRIBLE analogy and how far off it is from relating to human children that you birthed yourself, but it’s the best I can do.) 

My father, God love him…he’s a different breed. His life story explains a LOT of why he is the way he is, thinks the way he does, acts the way he does, etc. He is a lawyer AND a pilot, so he’s DOUBLY as anal as one of those occupations would be singularly. He has his quirks and flaws like everyone does, but my father…is gracious and merciful and content and generous and loving and kind and maybe the Godliest man I know. His wisdom and knowledge far surpass anyone I can think of- I think there’s nothing he doesn’t know. As many times as I fail him, he continually picks me up and help me out and pushes me back on the road. I know that it is only by the grace of my Savior that I was given to him (and he to me) and not to a family of 15 in Uganda trying to live on 15 cents a day and have never heard the name “Jesus”. It is only by God’s unimaginable, undeserved grace and mercy that I lived the life I did while growing up under the shelter and care of my parents.

I hear some of the things my dad used to say when I was growing up, and I heard it…but I never REALLY understood it until the world took hold of me and started vying for my time  and attention, wanting every piece of me and to mold me into what IT wants rather than what my God wants and expects of me…. things like “remember who you are and what your name is.”    “Remember who you are and Whose you are.”     “Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.”     ”What do we have that is not a gift from God? The very air we breathe, the car you drive, the parents He gave you, the faith to believe that He IS God and is the ONLY God…these are all gifts, sweetheart.”     ”In the overall scheme of things- in the big picture- does this really matter?”     “Obey your father and mother, for this is good in the sight of the Lord.”   ”Live below your means.”      “Obey the first time, every time, and with a good attitude.”      “What else could that money have been spent on, sweetheart? Sending Bibles to China? Sending a missionary a month of meals in Nairobi, Kenya, while they do the work of the Lord?”       “Because I said so.” (NOW THIS MAKES SOOOO MUCH SENSE! Unfortunately, THAT is the first things that comes out of our mouths, not “because mama asked you to do this and you should obey mama because Jesus asked you to obey mama”…)   “Do you need an attitude adjustment?…because I can make that happen.”        ”If you don’t have time to do it right the first time, you SURELY won’t have time to do it right the second time.”         ”…SEE the key….” (as in, “do you see they key in your hand? Do you have the keys in your hand before you lock the door?”)      “…YOU do the right thing.” (as in, “I don’t care whatever everybody else is doing, THEY are not my children or my girl. YOU are. So YOU do the right thing.”)   “Hey, my girl…” (as in what he says when I call him and he answers the phone)      “I wouldn’t take anything in the world- not anything- for you and your brother.”        ”Don’t miss this, dear friends….” (as in, adopted this from our long-time pastor, Dr. Carter, and used it for his own!)       “Just act as nice as you look and you’ll be fine…” (as in, picked this up from my grandmother [mom's mom] and used it for his own- it makes sense, right?!   )

I’m reminded so much of a song by Laura Story. It’s perfect for this post!

“Grace” by Laura Story  

My heart is so proud, my mind is unfocused
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done
And now You gently break me then lovingly You take me
and hold me as my father and mold me as my Maker

I ask you how many times will You pick me up when I keep on letting You down
and each time I will fall short of Your glory,  how far wil forgiveness abound??
and You answer, “My child, I love you ,and as long as you’re seeking my face
you’ll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.”

At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged
knowing that someone somewhere could do a better job
for who am I to serve You? I know I don’t deserve you
and that’s the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on…

I ask you how many times will you pick me up when I keep on letting you down?
and each time I will fall short of Your glory how far wil forgiveness abound??
and You answer “my child, I love you, and as long as you’re seeking my face,
you’ll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.”
You are so patient with me, Lord…

As I walk with You, I’m learning what Your grace really means
the price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary
so instead of trying to repay You, I’m learning to simply obey You
by giving up my life to You for all that You’ve given to me

I ask you how many times will you pick me up when I keep on letting You down
and each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far wil forgiveness abound??
and You answer “my child, I love you, and as long as you’re seeking My face
you’ll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.”

Thank you, Daddy- I love you!

10 weeks down, 25 days to go!

Did you catch that???! I’m down to talking in DAYS to go, not weeks to go!!! SOOOOO exciting! I never thought I’d see it this close, as time has seemed at a standstill at some points. But hallelujah, the END IS NEAR!

Updates from Wichita Falls: graduation is still on for June 15. I still have a bad feeling it might be changed, but that’s just me not being optimistic. I’m told it will stay that date as the commander of the squadron has to be there and his schedule is made (and kept) weeks in advance of activities… so I’m hopeful nothing will be changed. Other updates…my boy is still doing beautifully. At the head of his class, he’s pretty much wrapped up the Distinguished Graduate award, which means he’s kept his average above 96 (I think he’s at a 98 or so now…?). He’s sleeping better as he’s on a better schedule, and though it’s not home on a regular routine, he’s adjusting well. His allergies are still a bit whacked out, and some days are better than others (don’t we know how true this is…).

This flight he’s in is giving him a run for his money (dealing with all kinds of people, mostly who do NOT share his high moral standards and upbringing), so he’s learning humility tempered with grace and patience…not an easy task for most of us, myself included.    His instructors are pleased with his work and his leadership qualities, which is ALWAYS good to hear.

We are both counting down the days ’til we see each other again, though I know there’s SO much more that goes into that coming-home-date than just me. I’d be selfish and pious to think otherwise. His family and I are SO excited to be counting down the days ’til we don’t have to count down the days anymore!   

Continued prayer requests include focus and renewed intensity in reaching his goal of graduating AND graduating at the top of his class, patience and humility in dealing with his classmates, continued growth and development in leadership skills in his flight, continued overall health and energy to get through his days, regular “downtime” to re-focus and re-group, time to spend with our King and a quieted, content spirit to get through these next few weeks.

Thanks to ALL who continually pray over my precious guy and his family (and me!)…we’re nearing the end! 

9 weeks down…and the countdown continues

9 weeks down, just over 4 and 1/2 weeks to go. Since his graduate date has been changed, it’s another week added on to his time there. And another week apart for us. However, we have been called to do this and face this and go through this and learn from this… so we will continue to do so! Our Father is sustaining us, as He promised He would. It doesn’t, however, diminish how much I truly miss him and want him back here!

I didn’t think I’d get to this point. Obviously I knew I would, God-willing, but time has seemed to draaaaaaag on and on- and I have felt every day of that 9 weeks. I’m so thankful that the end is almost in sight. My last FB status said something to the effect of I am SOOOO over this whole “boyfriend-being-in-Texas” crap.

My boy is still doing great- he’s still on track to have the honor of being “Distinguished Graduate” for his flight. YAY! He is still doing very well on his tests (2 to go!) and has something like a 98 average for his time there. What a warrior! I am so proud of him and what he’s accomplished. When he first enlisted last year and then went to basic, he came back with orders to go to school in March of 2009. 3 months away from family is hard enough anyway, but then add in the unexpected meeting of the girlfriend (i.e., ME!) and have your world turned upside down THEN have to leave for 3 months…well, that’s a bit difficult to swallow. But he’s done beautifully. There’s a learning curve here for us both as neither of us expected this. Again, God’s timing is not our timing (thank You, Father), so we trust in His perfect will and His perfect timing always above our own.

His mama and I will be able to go out in just over 4 and 1/2 weeks to see him and see him graduate. What we’re thinking will happen will be a weekend trip to DFW a couple of days before he actually graduates- it’ll be expensive, but we think it’ll be worth it. Who knows.    We’re planning on getting out there on Saturday, June 13, spending some time w/him over the weekend (in the “booming metropolis” of Wichita Falls….haha), then going to the “ceremony” on Monday, June 15. We’ll spend the night and drive back the next day, June 16. Hallelujah. Y’all know I’m just gonna be bouncing off the walls!!! It’ll take all I can to get some sleep the few days before that happens. And, of course, I’m sure emotions will be off the chain…darn female hormones!!

SO…that’s the plan as it stands now. I’m trying not to get too excited yet b/c I have the feeling if I do, something will change, and I’ll be disappointed. What’s the adage? “Set your expectations low so you’re always surprised and never disappointed?” Might be just right for the military…

Continued prayer requests include focus for my precious guy. Every day there is one day closer to home, he put in an email this week, which means it’s going to be harder and harder for him to focus on his work and keep up with the demands placed upon him. That also means it’s going to be easier and easier for the Devil to gain a foothold- anxiousness, lack of clarity and focus, apathy, restlessness, lack of sleep…all of these are little “in’s” for him. Stay away, Satan! Please continue to pray for rest, no injuries or sickness (thank You, Jesus, for Your faithfulness so far), safety as he goes off base (and as he’s working with his comrades on the plane) and quiet time with our Savior. That can be so easy to put off and “do later” (speaking from experience). Thank you for your continued prayers for my boy and his family (and selflishly, ME!).

8 weeks down, 6 to go!

YES.

You read correctly.

I said 6 weeks to go.

“But…..wait….” you’re thinking (I know you are…)- “it was 6 weeks to go LAST week when y’all were 7 weeks down. What happened?”

The military. THAT’S what happened. I’m not mad. I’m not even upset. I’m just frustrated that they change dates up like that. Apparently, this is what happens on a fairly regular basis, so I guess I’d better quit complaining about it, go ahead and get used to it and just remember that no plans are actually set in stone until I’m actually IN the thick of them, huh….?

SO, yes. S won’t be graduating until June 15th, which is a Monday…which MIGHT mean a fun weekend could be made of it all. We’ll see. His graduation date was pushed back a week (why does no one check with ME on these things…? HA!), but what’s another week since it’ll be 13, now 14, that I haven’ t seen him? EH…

S is doing beautifully, as expected. His body is adjusting slowly to this new schedule (sleeping during the day, going to school at night) which is actually good…because it’s his last week of this schedule! YAY! Next Monday he’ll start swings, which puts him going to school from 1600-0000. I think (listen to me, I’m not even OUT there and still giving my opinion- ridiculous) it’s even better than days because he’s got more time during the day to do other things and still get good sleep…when his body says it’s SUPPOSED to be sleeping! YAY for schedule changes! (Wait, did I just say that…?)

On another note, I am even more in love with S’ family than I was before after spending some really good time away with his mama, cousin and sister. These wonderful, precious women…such God-fearing, centered, down-to-earth, easy to get along with, entertaining, heartwarming, terrific womena. If there was ever anyone who was SO like me on the face of the earth, it’s his sister. I love you, girl. And his mama…love her to death. And “mysteph”- love you, too. I’m so grateful that I was SO blessed to be able to spend such good time with y’all this weekend.

Continued prayer requests include time alone with our God, a hearty appetite, an injury- and illness-free body, clarity of mind when studying and taking tests, a steady, positive, healthy outlook, continued friendships with other students, safe travels when he goes off base and as always, good communication with those wanting to hear from him back home (namely…ME!).

7 weeks down, 6 to go!

Wait . . . does that mean there are more weeks behind us than in front of us?? YES, I believe so!!!

6 weeks from today my boy will graduate!! The more I think about it, the more excited I get, so…calming down. Calm. Quiet. Not excited. Can’t think about it ’til it’s closer.

He’s doing beautifully, of course, but I’m SO sure that just as soon as he gets his body used to this schedule, he’s gonna have to change to a new schedule. The new schedule (swing shift), which begins May 11, is much easier schedule to get used to…1600h-0000h. HALLELUJAH. It might even be better than a normal day schedule. We’ll see!

I have the opportunity to go with S’ mama, sister and cousin to South Carolina this weekend for a women’s luncheon where one of his mama’s best friends goes to church- should be a blast, and I’m very much looking forward to spending time with some REALLY great women. (Getting away to a great house in a great town for a weekend always helps, too!)

My best friend is coming in town tomorrow, which I am SO looking forward to because I haven’t seen him since last year sometime. Waaaaaay too long to only live 3 hours apart!

I set my next hair appointment for the biggest haircut of my life so far, I believe. I’m cutting off all my hair- well, let’s revise that. I’m cutting off at least 10 inches of my hair to donate to Locks of Love…and that will be on June 5. It’s the Friday before S’ graduation. I’m certain he’ll be quite surprised- not the point, but a perk, anyway!!!

Continued prayer requests include restful, recovering sleep (especially since he’s sleeping in the middle of the day!), some fun , continued time alone with our Lord, focus and ability to concentrate while in class (especially since he’s going to school in the middle of the night!), development of relationships with his friends and comarades and a strong, healthy, shielded immune system. THANK YOU for your continued prayers for him, his family and us! 

6 weeks down, 7 to go

Almost to the halfway point, we are! Hallelujah!

My boy is doing splendidly in Wichita Falls, Texas. Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t WANT to be there, but since this is what he’s been called to do now, he’s making the best of it.  :)  He has scored beautifully on each test he’s taken so far (3 down, 3 to go) with a 98 and 2 perfect scores!!! An excellent man, I tell you… I’m so proud.

We found out that his schedule is changing yet again- it’s the military, so of course, we should expect this. He and his comrades weren’t thinking that it would change, but it did. They will now be on mid-shift. Instead of going to school from the normal 0700-1600h like he has been, his flight will go to class from 2300h-0700. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! “Just a standard military shift”, he tells me last night. His flight has details all day today, then they stay up all night (oh, joy), go to PT with the swing shift, then start classes. So instead of going to classes in the morning Monday through Friday, he’ll go Sunday nights to Thursday nights- same thing, just backed up 8 hours. Interesting. The good thing (always looking for these, aren’t we? ANYTHING to make it better or more reasonable!) is that it doesn’t change much, if any, our communication standards so far- I still won’t be able to talk to him when I couldn’t during his normal schedule, so if he can get through these next few days, he’ll be good.

He’s such a warrior, that one. I just adore him- I love his spirit and his drive and his work ethic and his self-presribed achieving standards and his attitude toward life.  He is SUCH the man that was made for me and me alone, and I am so thankful God brought him to me. I can’t wait to see what happens over the next few weeks and months and how God continues to grow this relationship He’s begun.

Continued prayer requests include continued health and sustainance of spirit, ability (and desire) to focus during classes and then on homework at night (or whatever time it is now that he’ll be doing homework), a strong and injury-free body, a Christ-shining attitude and demeanor (as always!), the ability (and desire) to have alone-time with the Lord, confidence in his abilities, strength for his family to get through the next 7 weeks…and continued good communication for the both of us.

The WONDER of our salvation- HIS cleansing, healing, soul-saving blood

Our regular pastor, Dr. Platt, was out of town this Sunday, so we had the honor of having our newly accepted Pastor of Biblical Training teach us today from the pulpit of Brook Hills. His name is Bart Box, and he is incredibly passionate about preaching, teaching and learning the Word of God. One of the friends I was with today and I both agreed that we are SO excited about what’s coming to Brook Hills, and we can’t wait for them to get started so we can begin hitting those classes up! The chuch is starting a Bible Training Facility where classes will be taught, either for earning a degree, for further, in-depth Bible study or just for brushing up on ill-remembered facts and figures that bring everything together. We are SO excited Dr. Box and his family have come to join the Brook Hills faith family! But I digress…

Passionately and with great conviction today- as always- Dr. Box geared us toward remembering the wonder of our salvation, and there were more than a few things he said that really stuck with me. A#1 that really hit home (and has actually been on my mind a good bit lately) is that he said he’s preached this exact sermon on 2 very different continents, here and in South Afica, in a place where the literal translation (in the native tongue) of the town he was in was “hell”. He said he preached it here and MOST of the time, he got a “great sermon, preacher- great job, I really needed that…hey, how was the game last night?” However…in South Africa, when people hear this sermon and hear what Dr. Box preaches, it’s “AMEN” and “HALLELUJAH” and “JESUS SAVES” and people falling on their knees and faces with their hands raised in the air. Not, of course, because of the greatness of Dr. Box…but of the GREATNESS of Jesus Christ and the power of His cleansing, healing, soul-saving blood. Dr. Box said he doesn’t know why that is- that power is POWER wherever we are in the world, and when it TRULY is life-changing, it IS life-changing. So why do we take it for granted here? Why does is not “mean as much” here? Why aren’t we on our faces and hands and knees every HOUR of every DAY, especially at church around our faith families who are supposed to, praising Jesus for His awe-inspiring very nature, His life-giving breath each and every day and the many blessings we so blindly take for granted every day, like we’re owed something because we were born as Americans.

I think I know why, and Dr. Box touched on it ever so briefly in his sermon this morning- he mentioned our affluence. And I’m very much inclined to agree. My daddy has actually mentioned it before, and ever since he did, it’s aaaaaaaall started to make sense. I GUARANTEE you that being a Christian in Mountain Brook (or any other “over the mountain” area in Birmingham) looks very different on a daily basis than being a Christian in downtown Birmingham or Roebuck or Centerpoint or on Lorna Road. I guarantee you that being a Christian looks different in the affluent suburbs of _____ (pick a place) than it does on the borders of Texas and Mexico or in the slums of a major metropolitan city or on the outskirts of a poverty-stricken town where few dare to even set foot in America. And I can without a DOUBT guarantee you that being a Christian here in America is vastly different than being a Christian in the Gaza Strip…or in Uganda…or in South Africa…or in China. Does not the same faith and grace alone that saves the unemployed, AIDS-infected, uneducated widow in ____ (again, pick a place around the world) save us here in the United States? Of course it does. SO WHY DOES IT SEEM TO MEAN SO LITTLE???

I think- no, I’m certain- it goes back to our affluence. Now I’m sure many of you (rolling of eyes- of maybe the 6 people that read this blog!) are thinking “affluent? Have you SEEN my bank account lately? I’m not affluent in the slightest- you have got to be kidding me.”. And you’d be sorely mistaken. Take myself, for example. I moved last week to a different apartment- and I couldn’t help but think over and over again….” I don’t use half of this stuff. And really, I probably only use about 30% of this stuff.” Why do I have all this STUFF??? It’s just stuff!! Really! And it’s because we live in America, where the unmistakable mantra is “the American dream”. More and more stuff. More money to buy more stuff. More hours at work to make more money to buy more stuff. A bigger house- which means more money to make which means more hours at work- then you add in…let’s say….time with the family (soccer games, recitals, shopping [inevitably for more stuff], watching TV and movies, bath time, etc.), dinners out to eat with friends and family, going to the gym, church on Sunday morning, gotta have some alone time in there somewhere….oh, and gotta fit God in there somewhere because if I don’t, I might feel guilty.  ? ? ? ? ! ! ! ! ! ? ? ? ? ! ! ! ! ? ? ? ? ! ! ! ! What is wrong with this picture?

And I’m speaking to myself, as well, because I am FAR from perfect- but I am called to REGULARY examine my life and right myself back on the straight and narrow. Here’s one of my sins- it’s easy to be a Christian here. We have it SO easy here in America- we can go to church each Sunday in a beautifully orchestrated, well-oiled machine of a church, with its air conditioning and/or heat, its children’s programs and up-front parking for first-time guests, bikers and the handicapped. We can buy a new Bible when the “old” one has a tear in it. We can hear Christian songs on the radio, sung by artists with God-given talent doing what they know they’re supposed to be doing….listening to them on a radio…in a great car with A/C and heat and leather and a sunroof…driving down a paved highway or interstate…in really great clothes that were most likely bought within the past 6 months to a year…drinking $4 bottled water which we’ll conveniently throw in a garbage can on our way to a meeting or lunch with friends or the job that has been so graciously provided to us. Where does God fit in to all that? To the typical (and yes, I say TYPICAL because that may or may not be you) American, God- the Holiest of Holies, the one and only Living Savior, the God of Universe, the One who decides whether you take your next breath or not, the Almighty Father, the Trinity, the Most High God, the God whom our predecessors trembled before and had such fear that they literally DIED- yes, that God… is an afterthought. Maybe. If you’re “lucky”. Maybe you think of Him and say a quick prayer for “a good day” or to pass your test or thank Him for the [over-priced] meal you’re about to inhale on your yacht before cruising to the next destination. Maybe you take His name in vain when someone pulls out in front of you in traffic or takes your parking space at the mall. Or maybe you treasure the time you get to spend alone with that God, making time throughout your day to praise His HOLY Name and thank Him for what He’s done and is doing in your life. Maybe you make it your goal to give 10% of your income each month in a tithe to your church and then give another 10% to it’s missionary fund that gives necessary income and essentials to its teachers and preachers around the world.  Maybe you have a heart for people and a desire to see those around you and those around the world come to know and have a true, honest, DEEPLY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with the Living God. Maybe you are regularly astonished at the state of our nation and those around you and find yourself turning your personal compass back to Him on a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis, always  keeping in mind that everything we have is a gift from God and HIS name is to be glorified and praised and honored. OH, I hope to be something like the last person.

Here’s what Dr. Box was touching on today- it’s easy to be a Christian here in America for one specific reason I can think of off the top of my head. The typical American has NO idea what it’s like to be a true Christ-follower, a “Christian”, for we have turned the term “Christian” into something wholly wrong and ugly and totally unlike what Christ wants of us. We do not identify with the Christ of the country club, the $90K SUV, the vacation homes in 3 places or the excessive “bling” we wear when going out to fancy $200 dinners at trendy bistros. We, as Christians, saved by the redeeming blood of the Son of the Most High God, should identify with the poor, the needy, the destitute, the diseased, the filthy…with the nails on the cross and the throngs of people yelling and spitting on Him. We, as “owed Americans”, have taken Christianity, removed all the things we don’t like about it and turned it into something “easy” and “light” and “mainstream” so that everyone is “loved” and nobody’s feelings are hurt. (Yep, that sounds like an American response to things these days..) It’s not a term to use lightly or that anyone can just “pick up on” and run with and claim they are, not a “good person mentality” or throwing money at the church every month or even volunteering in the nursery or going on misison trips. It’s a lifestyle, it’s a total sacrifice of this earthly life for the next life spent praising and glorifying Christ, it’s a “dying-to-self-and-living-for-Christ-day-in-and-day-out-no-matter-who’s-looking” kind of life. Is affluency bad? No. Is “stuff” bad or inherently wrong? Of course not. But we are used to a lifestyle here in America- rather, we have been ABOVE AND BEYOND graced with these lifestyles- and it’s way too easy to depend on ourselves for everything we do and need and buy and see and think. We don’t have to wholly and assuredly depend on our Savior for our every need every day. Our faith is so small because our problems are so few. Our walk with the Lord is so backward because every day life is so easy. Our faith would look a lot different if we depended on our Savior and our local church for our food, toiletries, any sort of medicine we might be able to get our hands on, clothing and some sort of shoes to cover our feet.

It’s very easy, we talked about Sunday, to miss out on the WONDER of our salvation. On the very wonder that we are by NO means owed ANYTHING in this life, yet we are graced with so many blessings we take for granted on a daily basis. On the very wonder that the Father was not only able to save us from our sins, but was WILLING to save us from our sins and watch us mess up on a daily, hourly and minute-by-minute basis, only to forgive us (should we ask) over and over and over again. Missing on the WONDER that we were DEAD in our sins- not sick, not diseased, not dying….DEAD. Not flailing about in the sea begging for a savior, but DEAD  at the very bottom of the abyss of the sea, and the Father dove to the bottom, pulled up our lifeless corpses and brought us to the top and then to shore, then breathed His breath into us, thereby giving us NEW life. And again, we come back to the fact that dead people can do NOTHING- if you’re dead, you’re DEAD. No life whatsoever, so to say that we “accepted” Christ isn’t entirely accurate. No, instead, we were GRACED with the very ABILITY to believe that Jesus Christ was the one and only Son of God who came to the earth as a baby, born of a virgin, lived a sinless, perfect life, taught and preached and lived every emotion and feeling that we do as humans created in His image…and then died a horrific, torturous death on a cross 33 years later, was buried and RESURRECTED HIMSELF TO LIFE again 3 days later.

And we have the audacity to take that for granted?

OH, MY…how I need to be reminded of that every second of every minute of every hour of every day of the rest of my life.

BIRTHDAYS and 5 weeks down (8 to go)

First and foremost . . .  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEET BOYFRIEND!  28 years old…happy birthday, babe!!!

Second… I have been in the midst of moving (OH, jooooy…) so I completely missed my update on the progress of school- and time away from each other.     It’s been 5 weeks (5 1/2 now that I’ve written this), and I feel every bit of it.  I miss him terribly and wish every day that I could be out there with him or at least see him. I don’t like being away from him- I can only imagine how hard it is on his family who’s been with him for (now) 28 years.    However, as has been previously touched on, I have the right to feel that way because I AM in this relationship with him- and I’m the ONLY one that gets to share THIS relationship with him…the only one on the face of the earth!!!! How fortunate and blessed and incredibly grateful I am to have that knowledge!!!

He is doing well- acing each test, accomplishing all of his goals for airman leader and staying focused. He’s been sick a few times, and I guess that’s to be expected when our bodies undertake such stress and determination as his has in the past few weeks. Poor kid- he sounds all “nasal-y” and “cough-y” (like that?! Haha- you know you use those words, too!), and I can’t do anything about it. I know our God is sustaining him, though, as He has promised to do. We all know that just because we were accepted by Christ and became His followers that life will not be easy… no, THAT was never promised, as we continually learn and accept every day, right?

Thank you all for your prayers, your emails, your letters, your phone calls and texts and your concern. Keep it up! 8 more weeks of this! I’m so THANKFUL there’s not 11 weeks to go!!!

Continued prayer requests for my man include making time to steal away and be alone with our Savior, a buffered and healthy immune system, time to study and get all of his homework done without going too late into the night, a healthy appetite, a strong and injury-free body…and time for good, solid, dependable, significant communication for the both of us. That’s a struggle sometimes when you’re exhausted and just want to close your eyes for a few days…

Easter, part 1

Below is a link to the blog of one of the Godliest men I know. He is incrediby intelligent, generous, diligent, kind, has an incredible heart for the Lord and will make a fantastic doctor one day. He also happens to be my “little” brother.

http://michaelldouglas.wordpress.com/2009/04/09/worthy-is-the-lamb-who-was-slain/

Here’s a bit of what he says.

A blog that I frequent a lot had a link to a video that, to be quite honest, shook me up a little bit.  It is one thing to make statements like the title of this post (”Worthy is the Lamb Who Was Slain.).  It is another thing entirely to make that real.

Imagine yourself in Israel 2500 years ago.  You are a farmer, or a wife or son/daughter of a farmer.  You live a nice little life(for 500 BC standards).  You grow enough food for you and your family, you enjoy your children, you enjoy going to the tabernacle.  But every year, this thing called Passover comes around, and it just tears you up – as it should.

Passover IS the Gospel.  That God would accept the death of an innocent lamb as “payment in full” is the best news ever.  Now imagine your family preparing for Passover.  You don’t just take any lamb in your flock.  You have to take a young lamb, a lamb without any outward spot or inward disease.  Perhaps it’s your favorite, because it is the one that gives the best milk or the one that you think follows your lead the best.  Nonetheless, the Torah is clear – only the best.

So you prepare for Passover.  You make sure all of the food is ready.  You make sure the choice wine is ready.  You have the children all ready, maybe even teaching your older children what you’re doing.

And then it’s time.  Now you take that unblemished lamb, the best of your flock, the one with the most potential, and you take it to the High Priest.  He prepares the lamb.  He shaves its neck to make sure that bare skin is available.  He has his assistants hold the lambs legs.  Imagine being the lamb.  “What are they doing?  Why are they holding me down, and why is everyone chanting and singing.  Now why is it so quiet.  What is this guy doing?”  And the Priest says, “Blessed are you, LORD our God, King of the world, who has sanctified us with his statutes and commanded us concerning the [ritual] slaughtering.” And the priest takes a knife, and with bowl underneath, slits the throat of the lamb.

Now imagine that lamb is a man.

Could you imagine having to kill your own lamb?  How about your own son?

Maybe this helps… (and an explanation of why this is important)

Now imagine that lamb is a man.  Imagine that lamb is your son, your only son.  This is hard to stomach.  It’s not easy.  But this IS the Gospel.  That God would send His Son here, for you, and that His Son, named Jesus, would die in YOUR place.  The name for this is Substitutionary Atonement.  Substitutionary because it is your sin and his death, not his sin and his death or your sin and your death. Atonement because by His death, your sin is atoned for – forgiven, cleaned, taken off the ledger sheet. And not only is your sin taken off the ledger sheet, but you are given the righteousness (perfectness, in God’s eyes) of the Man that just died for you  Both Christ dying for Christ’s sins and you dying for your sins don’t solve the problem.  If you die for your sin, then you can’t live with God.  If Christ dies for Christ’s sin (Christ didn’t have sin, but for argument’s sake), it would be the same thing – it doesn’t take care of us (or him, for that matter).  The only way salvation works is if someone innocent (without sin) does for someone who is sinful.  And that’s what happened two thousand years ago.

Jesus was real.  He died for you, in your place, taking your punishment on Himself, that you would be able to live with Him and God forever. Yes, we can celebrate Easter on Sunday, and yes without the empty tomb, Christ’s death would be pointless.  But the Cross – the alter of the Lamb of God – IS the Gospel.  “Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth.” Revelation 5:9-10.

4 weeks down, 9 to go

Today is the first time that blogging about S being gone has actually sneaked up on me…yay! Does that mean time is moving faster???

I talked with S’ mama today- about lots of different things – and she said she couldn’t believe it had already been a month since he’d been gone. I (very much) begged to differ- I feel like it’s been every BIT of a month! I miss that kid something fierce, and there are MANY days where it feels like he’s been gone TWO months!

He’s doing quite well, my boy is…he’s studying hard, learning a lot (sometimes too much, he would say) and making his intentions for leadership as an airman known. Poor guy is SO busy- he’s up early every morning, in classes from 0700-1600 (that’s 7:00a-4:00p. by the way), then goes to PT, then has meetings…and may get in bed before 2230, if he’s lucky. BIG change for him. He’s tired and worn out, pulled in different directions, trying to get 50 things done before he goes to bed and only having time to do maybe 20 of them. He’s definitely feeling the pinch of being out there for a month…and still having 2 months to go. He’s definitely had the opportunity to get off of the base and chill for awhile- going to a movie, getting a decent steak at a local restaurant, etc. He’s made some great friends in his flight and his squadron, so they can all support each other and hang out when they have (a little) down time. GOD IS GOOD!

Easter is coming up this weekend, as you all know (I hope!), and I hope you all are planning on being at and/or volunteering in your church on Sunday. This Easter will be hard for my man because he won’t be able to go to our home church with the greatest pastor we’ve ever heard. He will be on base with the church they have there, but it’s just not the same. (Any of you who are in love with your church know how this is when you go away for a weekend or on vacation…or are sick on a Sunday and have to deal with “televangelists”.) I almost feel guilty that I get to go and he doesn’t- but not for long! Then I get to go spend Easter afternoon with his family- if I haven’t told you lately, I CONTINUE to be blessed and awed by this family. The love, support, acceptance and laughter I get from them on a daily basis are things of which I’m just not worthy and deserving!!!

Continued prayer requests include strength and courage of spirit for S, restoring, recovering sleep at night, continued immune system protection (as he’s going through a bout of sickness currently) and focus during the day while he’s in classes. As most, if not all, of us have never gone through what he’s undertaking on a daily basis, it’s hard to know what his days are really like and what to ask about and what to leave alone.

On another note… I’m moving YET again. Can I just YELL from the top of whatever is the highest that I H-A-T-E moving??!! I hate it! I don’t want to do this again until…well, let’s just say I hope that next time is the LAST time I move for a looooong while. I have a roommate this go ’round, so hopefully I’ll be able to sock away some cash, pay off some debt and get my credit rating back to a better score! Yay for forward progress!

Happy Wednesday, everyone.

more Blue Angels pictures

Here’s the link to my Picasa web album-  THESE are the best pictures I took. 

http://picasaweb.google.com/jenbushjj/BlueAngelsTuscaloserRegionalAirport04032009?authkey=Gv1sRgCIWEktCxmMH-fw&feat=directlink

Blue Angels, baby!

or maybe THIS one is my favorite...

                                                             * * * * * MY DADDY AND I WERE ABLE TO GET PASSES TO THE FULL DRESS REHEARSAL FOR THE BLUE ANGELS SHOW THIS WEEKEND. IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE!!!!  I HAVEN’T SEEN THOSE BOYS FLY IN AWHILE, SO IT WAS GREAT TO GET OUT THERE ON SUCH A GORGEOUS DAY AND GET UP CLOSE (ISH). WE HAD SO MUCH FUN, AND IT WAS A GREAT DRY RUN FOR TODAY AND TOMORROW . . . . . IT’S NICE TO KNOW PEOPLE AND BE ABLE TO PULL STRINGS SOMETIMES, ISN’T IT???     * * * * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK, maybe this one's my favorite...and YES, they flew directly over my head!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

or maybe this one is... BEAUTIFUL.

AMAZING!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

love this one

goooooooorgeous

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

too many good ones to choose from!

love this one as well- a favorite

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

whew- is that cool or what?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

gooooooorgeous!!!

3 weeks down, 10 to go!

So it’s been 3 weeks since my boy left for Texas. 3 weeks down, 10 to go. Whew. This is harder than I thought it would be!!! I miss him terribly, but I’m trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of it all…unfortunately, that only works for so long and I’m back to the same thoughts again. J We women….we’re thinkers, aren’t we?

           
       He’s doing well- studying, learning, working his tail off to keep his over-achieving, top-of-the-class streak alive. J It’s basically 12 weeks of books, lectures, PT, early mornings, average nights and limited communication. I say that last one because with all the studying and class time, there’s not a lot of time left over for talking, emailing or writing- and they certainly can’t have their phones on them during the day.

            Of course, he misses being here- misses the day to day interaction with family, friends and coworkers, misses his own “stuff”, his routine, his job (ironically)…and he really misses church. I’m on self-assigned double duty at church on Sundays, keeping up with my own notes, but also making the same notes for him. I then put my notes for him and a blank copy in the mail on Monday morning so he can go through everything when the link to the sermon is posted on Tuesday or Wednesday. It’s fun for me, but more importantly, it keeps me even more focused on listening and paying attention in church (as if I had any problems with that ever!). More chances to send mail, more chances to use stationery….? I’m all for it!

Please pray for continued clarity when studying for and taking tests and exams. S is an airman leader, which basically means the students in his group answer to him…and he answers to his commander, of course! He has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders and a lot of studying and scrutiny that goes along with it. Please pray for energy throughout the day and into the night when his energy stores are down and he’d much rather go to bed than continue studying- he’ll do beautifully, of course, because he doesn’t know how to do things otherwise!

On a brighter note . . . I was getting to know the family of this wonderful man even better than I knew them before I met him , and now I get to know them even better. I have seen the love pour out of this family- on to each other…and on to me. I am so fortunate, so completely and totally (undeservedly) blessed to have all of them around. I love them, and if you don’t know them, you need to GET to know them!!!

2 weeks down

I seriously didn’t know it was possible to miss someone this much!!! This is ridiculous!

S has been gone 2 weeks (yesterday) and I can’t believe we still have 11 weeks to go. I have come to the conclusion that I think it’s easier on him because he’s in the new place with the new people and the demanding schedule and the new stuff to do everday. WE (me and his family), however, are still in the same place doing the same things around the same people- and everything reminds me of him. Everything reminds me of how far away he is.

His schedule is much different than we expected it to be, so we’re trying to work through that….trying to get used to the fact that it may not be possible to talk (phone, email, text) every day as we once thought it would be. Trying to get used to the fact that this really IS harder than we thought it would be and that we’re going to have to work extra hard sometimes to just have a sense of normalcy. Trying to wrap our heads around the fact that we’re actually here, in the middle of what we’ve been talking about for 3 months…and it’s only just begun.

There are some good things, though- my boy is feeling better, feeling more confident and taking on a really great leadership role within his squadron, one which will bring him more attention and scrutiny, but will also bring him more satisfaction and honor in the end. He is making friends easily and bonding quickly, bonding well with the many students out there. He is excited about what he’s learning and what he will learn…and excited about how quickly it will pass, too. They just got their first push into the next phase, which means he can leave the base for short periods of time, albeit in uni(forms), but at least he gets to see some of the area instead of ”all base, all the time”.

(Of course, I miss him terribly, and I don’t expect that to get better anytime soon!)

Continued prayer requests: please pray that S will continue to get restful, recovering sleep as he’s still not sleeping great- and we all know how cranky we can get without sleep…
                     – please pray that S will continue to eat well and eat enough at every possible meal
                     – please pray that he will continue to have time and make time to be with the Lord- there’s no leeway with the military, espeically regarding schedules, so if it was difficult to find time before, it’s even more difficult now
                     – please pray that his mind will stay clear and focused, especially as they get further into training
                     – please pray that he won’t be lonely or frustrated, but strong and encouraging, a beacon of light portraying the faith in which he professes

Thanks to all, for lifting him (and us) up. Here’s to making it through with flying colors! 

Holy crap, batman.

This post is dedicated to my best (boy) friend in the whole world. Living in Georgia, we so rarely get to see each other, but our phone calls are right on point due to the fact that we’ve known each other since 3rd grade. He is hysterical- beyond hysterical. He is my real-life Chandler Bing. He never fails to make me laugh- “it’s a gift” (in addition to his humility…), he says incessantly. He has been a constant source of laughter and support through these last few weeks and couple of months, though he might tell you otherwise depending on the day. He knows waaaaay too much about me and threatens to tell everyone who DOESN’T  know everything about me all my inmost secrets. Punk. He IS the one who knows me best- at least for the time being . We have SO many memories between us, and I am thankful for him and his friendship, love and support.

updated pictures

Just a few of my favorites from the past few weeks. Oh, how my life has changed! 

shannon's newest addition

brooksey and miss jen after dinner on friday night - we sent this to uncle shawn via email

emi and jen at "chickoway" on friday night after gymnastics

S and J in the snow- my precious boy...

will and jen on friday night after dinner

One week down

Updates and such… 

S has been gone one week today. One week down, 11 to go!

He has settled into the beginnings of military life, only to have it changing again tomorrow…but this change he was very much prepared for- and one to which he is very much looking forward to and excited about! Tomorrow (03.19) is the beginning of general, fundamental training for 4 weeks, after which he’ll begin working with specific aircraft. As this was scheduled after his enlistment and after basic training, this has been in the works for a good 7-8 months. S is excited to start learning and getting his hands dirty…well, besides getting them dirty doing details and patrols!

S sounded SO much better after the first few days, though he still wasn’t himself, which I expected. It was so hard to be here and not be able to do anything to make the situation better, to not be able to fix it, to feel so helpless. The Lord has His mighty hand on my boy and his current life stage, and He is in control. None of this has surprised Him, none of this has caught Him off-guard. Providentially, He has placed S with some great guys who he hit it off with right away, and I’ve heard more laughing on the phone while we’re talking than I’ve heard out of him in a week. :)  AND morale is infinitely better over the past couple of days, which makes my heart soar with gladness and thankfulness. The initial shock/disappointment/sadness/anger/bitterness/resentment/bewilderment/surreality wore off after the first few days, and he adjusted beautifully to his new (yet familiar b/c it’s the military) surroundings. Not saying it was easy by any means, but he quickly realized that being mad and angry and bitter wasn’t going to get him anywhere, certainly wasn’t going to change the situation and was only going to further the already-degraded immune system he was toting and make him feel even worse, physically. God is good!

Prayer requests:   please pray that S will get restful, recovering sleep. He seems to be having a rough time of it in the mornings- we know how hard mornings are here for us in our own beds, with our own sheets and covers, in our own worlds….I can’t imagine (really!) what it’s like to live in military dorm. Thankfully, most of us will never have to know what that feels like. (BEYOND huge thanks to our military and their families inserted here.)
                                    please pray that his immune system will be strengthened, that his lack of sleep will not overpower his physically and mentally drained body
                                   please pray that he will stay focused on his job there, that being away from family and friends, not getting things done while he was home, thinking about what’s to come and other distractions will not cloud his thoughts
                                  please pray that he will do well in his classes and retain what he’s learning- “assmiliate” as his daddy called it (great word!)
                                 please pray that he will continue to meet good guys (and girls!), that he’ll be able to study with them and continue forming those needed relationships as they go through these next 11 weeks together
                                please pray that he will continue to make time to get in The Word and walk with Jesus- we know how hard it is here in our regular routines and daily lives to make time for Him . . .  and getting up at 0445h for PT and having a strictly regimented routine isn’t going to make that any easier.

I think if we all had our way, we would most often choose the easy way, the path less traveled. Easier is easier no matter how you look at it. The human spirit doesn’t intentionally look for things that are hard and difficult. And this last week was hard- it was hard to say goodbye to him, hard to see him go, hard to know he won’t be here for 3 months…hard. The past week has not been one of my favorites (ever) in my life, but it has been pretty darn memorable. I have seen and felt the love of Christ, leaned on Jesus more than I ever have before, experienced the love and support of a family who is simply unbelievable, and I’ve learned a great deal about myself- and about S and I as a couple. (Aww… love that word!) I miss him- terribly. Heart-wrenchingly. Everything makes me think about him, and I don’t expect that to change. I don’t expect the separation to get easier either (at least on my end!), but I do expect our communication to get better and easier as we adjust to this.

His address is available now to those of you who’d like to write him- just let one of us know and you can write away! His family said he got a virtual onslaught of letters during basic, so I don’t expect this round of training to be any different….especially now that I’m in the picture. Good gracious, I write people letters so they have something other than a bill to read on a boring Thursday… I have 6 letters sitting here now as we speak!!! (roll of eyes, smirk on face, shaking of head) 

All that said . . . God is good. So good. Too good. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. On another note, to put this all in perspective… I know of a family close to this family’s hearts who lost their  4 year old little girl this morning to cancer she’s been fighting since she was 11 weeks old. There are no words. Perspective is key, here, remembering that my fight is relative and my “problems” are relative and my world is so different, so “easy” compared to other people’s. Let’s just take an imaginary 5-mile radius of people around me- even a 2-mile radius!- and compare. Hmmm…yep, I’d venture to say my life looks pretty good to more than a few of them.

Heartbroken

My heart just left in a Maxima, bound for Texas. 

Literally, I feel as though my heart will simply break in two- and even when I don’t think I have any tears left to cry, I am stunned as more begin pouring out. 

So here it is. And beware- real, raw emotion ahead. 

My precious boyfriend is a badge-carrying member of the Air National Guard, 117^th Refueling Wing stationed at BHM. He went to basic last year and was schedule to leave for tech school next Wednesday- 3 months of training in wichita falls, texas, whereby he learns how to do his job with the ANG. We knew it was coming and had been preparing for this day ever since we met and started dating. We should have expected the unexpected, as our relationship in and of itself was unexpected and unplanned.

 

He made a few calls yesterday morning and waited on superiors to call him back, preparing for the onslaught of questions- when exactly are you leaving, when exactly will you be back, what do you have to take, when do you have to be at BHM next week, etc., etc. We talked about 1330h for about 30 minutes. It was a great discussion (thank You, Father) filled with good conversation and solving of some issues we were working through. It was all good, and I was ecstatic. He went into a mandatory ethics meeting, I went to study for a midterm that night, we texted for awhile and I studied, then headed to class. I’d walked in to the convenience store to get some caffeine and left my phone in the car. Came back out to a missed call from his sister-in-law and a message- as usual, I called her right back w/out listening to the message. She was distraught and in her always-sweet, ever-protective voice asked, “how ya doin’…you OK? We’re gonna make it through this, OK? We will…” and I’m thinking in my head, “it’s just a midterm….not that big a deal.” I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about and what was going on and then started to get a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. And for good reason. With a huge gasp, she said “oh, you don’t know…- you need to call him right now. Right now- he’s OK, he wasn’t in a wreck, he’s fine, but you need to call him right now”. She ended up telling me what she knew then and there.

 

He was supposed to be there Monday. Like, 2 days ago, Monday. Now, it’s Tuesday, ’round about 1600h, and they want him there today- tonight, in fact. Which means…oh, yes. He has to leave at 0600h this morning to make it there.

 

Somebody messed up. Somebody didn’t tell him he had to be out there 10 days before his actual start date. Somebody didn’t get him his orders in time. Somebody dropped the ball.

 

So the elation I felt after having a beautiful, wonderful, productive conversation with him, the happiness I felt when we talked about everything we would do these next few days- together and with his family- all of that….came crashing down in a matter of a couple of hours.

 

I got the news and took my midterm- hopefully I did well on it, but I couldn’t really care less at that point in time. He was trying to shield me from that news before my test because he knew what state I would be in, whereas my “Jenninninn”  was thinking she could comfort me because I did already know. Oh, the love of that family. I focused as much as I could, then called him as soon as I left the building. I wasn’t prepared for what I heard. “Jenninninn” told me that he would have to leave Thursday. He made no small talk except to ask if I was out of my midterm- yes, of course, I told him. And the very bad news hit me like an 18 wheeler- “I have to leave tomorrow for Texas. Somebody got my orders wrong and I have to leave tomorrow morning.” Silence. I thought it was a joke- a very bad joke, but a joke. We are very sarcastic w/each other, all in good fun and jest and love, so I thought he might be kidding. The tone of his voice said otherwise, though. And I didn’t have to play dumb because I really was surprised- I was thinking we’d have at least another day to get things ready and organize and pack and such. Nope. Not happening. I told him I would be right there and in a flurry of activity, ran home, threw some things in a bag, got the pups squared away and ran out the door, headed for MeadowBrook. My mind going 90 to nothing, tears streaming down my face, yelling at people to move faster and get out of my way. I am sad, scared, mad, angry, upset, disappointed, bewildered, frustrated…and I’m driving on 280. Great.

            The full week that I thought I had with him was now being crammed into 12 hours???? Really?? This wasn’t seriously happening.I feel like I’m being robbed- I AM being robbed of time with him. But yes- the closer I got, the more real it became. I made it to his house and was greeted by his wonderful, precious family. We talked for a little while, hugged, whispered, shook our heads in disbelief and continued the process of helping him organize, pack and try as much as possible not to stress. Rather, they helped him pack and organize. I stood around and watched everybody, but the more I did, the sadder I got. I played with the boys for awhile and walked up and down the stairs and talked to family and such. When we finally did get to put our arms around each other, we stayed there for awhile. Oh, how I wish I could’ve frozen time- or at least put a delay on it. We all spent the next couple of hours trying to eat something (neither he nor I was hungry in the slightest), packing, stressing, organizing, going over quickly-made checklists, more stressing, sighing, continuing to shake our heads in disbelief, hugging…and oh, yes, I’m afraid even more stressing. It’s hard when you think you’ll have a week to spend time with everybody, tell them goodbye, kiss and hug and play with all the kids, hang out with your family, hang out with your girlfriend and do all the things on your “to-do” list…and then not be able to do any of it before you leave for 3 months. There was no easing in, no “de-stress” button to push, no time delay, no waiting. It was head-first into stress, and neither of us were prepared for it.

           

 

And, OH, the love this family has to give. I am so blessed to be a part of it- if anything immediately good was to come out of this, it would be that Christ’s love was shown in some amazing ways last night. The family coming together and praying over my boy, loving on him, helping him, serving him in whatever way they knew how- and not only him, but me. I’m distraught and everybody, including me, is worried about everybody else- how can I help YOU? What can I do for YOU? What can I do to make this easier on YOU? We prayed so many times last night- by ourselves, of course, but in little groups, in clusters, in spurts. I didn’t sleep any last night, so that’s about all I did was talk to the Lord. And cry, of course. I know I am part of this family- even without “officially” being a part of them, I am “officially” part of them. I know I can call each and every one of them and cry to them, ask for encouragement, laugh with them, talk with them and pray with them. I know them, I feel them, I love them- and I am so grateful God gave them to me. I have talked to each of them today- each of them calling to “check in on me” and see how I’m “doing”- crappy, I say. It hurts. It sucks, and it hurts, and they know it. I struggled with the fact that everyone was calling to check in on ME, and said on more than one occasion, “he left you, too, ya know… he’s your brother or your son or your brother-in-law…” And I was gently reminded that while that is true, and it hurts for them, too, I’m allowed to feel this way because I DO have a different relationship with him than they do. I am the only person on EARTH that gets to have the relationship with him that I do- that of the girlfriend, of the woman he leans on, of the person he treasures and cares about most above few others.

            I stayed there last night, on the couch in his den, and of course, there was no sleeping to done. I was up- wondering, worrying, trying to go to sleep, thinking, praying, sniffling, trying to think of the good that could come out of this instead of how my heart felt like it would burst from the sheer rate at which it was pumping blood. I was up- wondering if he was up, wondering if he was asleep or what he was thinking about, playing out the day’s events and emotions…and trying to make sense of it all. You know how they say “your mind was whirling with thoughts” or “you can’t slow your brain down”- I now know what “they” mean. I couldn’t turn my brain off, I couldn’t stop thinking and I couldn’t get over the whirl of emotions in my head. It was like walking through shoulder-deep water, then getting hit by a wave, then trudging through again. My mind was literally going in circles, and I couldn’t stop it- each thought led me to another thought which inevitably led me to tears YET again. I talked to my Father a good bit- He heard me cry and complain and question His will for my life and for S’ life and for his families’ lives. And as much as I tried to remember that He is in control, He does hold our lives in the palm of His hand, He DOES have a plan and He IS working it out as we speak…it didn’t ease the pain any, unfortunately, because He did make us human beings. Human beings with real, raw, human emotion.

           I was so thankful (thanks, Nana and Paw!) to be able to stay at the house last night and be with him this morning when he left.  We prayed a good few times between the rechecking of bags and the stress of leaving on time and trying to put some food in his already-anxious, running-on-adrenaline body. I didn’t want to see him go- each and every time he pulled me to him, I wanted to hold onto him forever and ever. I didn’t want to see him get in the car and drive away, not knowing (but fully knowing, if that makes any sense) what was going on in his head and in his heart. I wanted to call that blasted base that screwed him over and tell them what a mess they made and that they needed to right it somehow. I prayed as I held him, then watched him get in the car and drive off. I walked up the stairs, walked up to his room and collapsed on my knees, bawling. It hurts. It hurts badly, but I know that I have it- that WE have it, that HE and his FAMILY and I have it so much easier than others.

            There are some blessings to this, I guess. (You see I’m looking for the bright side, for the blessings, for the good in this- it’s hard to come by at the moment.) First and foremost, my precious guy is going to Texas. That’s a plane ride away if he wants me out there. He’s NOT on a boat in an undisclosed location, he’s NOT in Iraq or Afghanistan, and he’s not protecting a border somewhere. He’s in Texas, where they have phones and letters and emails and internet and texting- and airports to bring me out there Maybe God let this happen to save us from emotions next week or from travel woes or from weather issues- or maybe it’s another lesson in control…how we don’t have any! Let’s see…my boy is able-bodied and prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. He has a Living Savior prepared to meet his every need. He has a fantastic car to get him out there safely and quickly (emphasis on the “quickly” part…). He has a job to come back to when he returns home. He has access to cash and a bank account for incidentals out there. He has family who is dedicated to him and the call he answered by being in the guard. And maybe the biggest one…he will only be there for 3 months. I say that because yes, 3 months is a long time- it’s as long as we’ve known each other. Actually, he’ll be gone longer than we’ve known each other. However- he won’t be gone for a year or 3 years or 6 months. 12 miserable weeks- I mean, 12 short weeks.

            So…if you are reading this, and you feel so led, please feel free to pray for the both of us, but especially him and especially in the next week to 10 days. This will be a huge time of transition- and much earlier than we expected. And without warning. It hurts to see someone you love in pain and in a state of shock and disbelief and not be able to do anything about it; nevertheless, here we are, and we’ll continue down this road now for the simple reason that we can’t turn back. God has called us to be here now, doing what we’re doing now, so…do that we will.

            Prayer requests: that S will be able to work through this process in the next 6 hours or so and be prepared to go to work and be all in that military state of mind by the time he gets there

                                                    that S will arrive safely and quickly and that he will be pointed in the right direction so as not to waste any time

                                                  that S will stay healthy in every sense of the word- physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally

                                                that S will be able to get all of his affairs in order, all the things on his “to-do” list that he didn’t get done, finished before he actually starts school

                                                that S and I will have time to talk on the phone, email and text each other, that our communication skills would get even more sharp with time and distance

                                                 that S would be given a roommate who is a Believer, and if that’s not God’s will, that he would be given someone to whom he can and wants to minister

 

Please, please pray that God would ease the loneliness and separation that my wonderful, kind, sweet man is sure to feel, especially considering the manner in which he left. Please pray that he stays focused on his tasks, on his schoolwork and his duties while on base. And pray that his relationship with Jesus Christ will be strengthened and deepened in ways he can’t imagine.

 

More updates to come…in the meantime, please pray for a content heart, a quieted spirit, things to do to keep me busy, a praying and nurturing nature and continued renewals of strength to be able to dole out to my sweet love as necessary. 

Small Southern miracles :)

IT’S SNOWIN’, Y’ALL!!! it’s really coming down, too- blowing and swirling, and it’s just magnificent. such a beautiful, albeit rare sight here in the South. I wonder how long it will continue…! I thought i might run in it this morning but i tried for 10 minutes or so, and the snowflakes kept hitting my eyeballs. (not fun.) SO…i am content to watch the snow fall from INside where it’s not snowing in my eyes!

sitting here having a quiet moment with my Savior before my boyfriend comes to get me and we go to church, i’m reminded of the awe-inspiring nature of my Lord. everything He does is grand, everything He does is done with a flourish, everything He does is done to bring glory and honor and praise to His name and His name alone. why would I not want to be a huge part of serving that God??!! I am so blessed to be a daughter of the King. and now, as dr. platt said last week, it’s not about me anymore- it’s about all those billions of people out there who don’t know Jesus and may have never heard His name. it literally is my God-given duty to make His name known. 

the trees are covered, and there’s a precious beauty to see the contrast between the bright, white, fresh snow and the dark color of the bark. one of my favorite things to photograph. the dogs were bewildered when we walked outside- then they figured out they’re snow-proof and started playing around in it and were as frisky as i’ve ever seen them, if not more. they played and ran, and i caught more than a few snowflakes on my tongue!  :)

me…i just stare at it. it’s actually hard for me to sit here and write this because i feel like i’m missing out on one of God’s great shows. so many words come to mind here- undeniably one of the most beautiful sights ever. mesmerizing. captivating. rare. amazing. romantic.  unbelievable. awesome. quiet. still. 

i think those might be my two favorite words to describe it- “quiet” and “still”. have you ever noticed how still it is after a snowfall? it’s like a big white blanket of hush. well, that is, until children come out and start giggling and playing and yelling and screaming because they have the guts to get out there and do what most adults won’t let themselves do…play in it! be silly and vulnerable and child-like for a few moments. let the beauty and majesty and wonder of God’s creation wrap you up and revel in His awesome-ness.

I love the snow- LOVE IT- and I’m glad it doesn’t happen as often as it does elsewhere. we revel in it, are completely and totally caught up in the beauty and splendor of it- and then it goes away in 24 hours or less…doesn’t stick, doesn’t cause road issues (except w/crazy birmingham drivers!). it’s the best of both worlds. 

dear Father, thank you for small Southern miracles.

Make your words sweet…

…for you may have to eat them later! 

I say that because I am eating my words and they’re quite bitter.  :(  I said I didn’t want to attend this church because of numerous things that have since been reconciled, but I was too proud to admit I didn’t know it and was too haughty to think I would go anywhere other than what I found by myself. And now…what was my church is now the church I used to attend. I was going to join, but I missed the membership class on Sunday by about 2 weeks. I am convinced that was the hand of God leading me to be patient and wait- the church only has membership classes every quarter or so…and I just missed it. Now, had I already joined, it would make this process I’m going through now much harder. But God, in His sovereignty, knew that I needed that church at the time, and He knew what was coming down the road. I am now going with S to his church, and I’ve just recently completed the membership process there. We have an amazing senior pastor who brings The Word of God every Sunday with a passion and fire that are unrivaled, yet in the most genuine, urgent and modern way. The heart of the church is undeniably mission-minded, and our pastor is moving every day toward being even more solid in that aspect. I’m excited about going to church, I love to be in that building on Sundays, surrounded by a faith family who shares the same goals I do, and I have actually very much gotten used to the worship style. I didn’t think I would be able to- rather, I thought it would take much longer than it has- and I’m now very much at ease and comfortable with it all- well, most of it. I still tear up every time someone is baptized. 

All that to say, make ‘em taste good, y’all…they may come back in the menu of the day- and soon.  

funny things….

…about me. I guess I’ve always realized this, but it was brought to light the other day. 

I’m NOT a girly-girl. (I know you all are laughing hysterically right now, but contain yourselves, please.)  :)    

I’m not girly in a lot of ways that other girls are. I’m a “guys’ girl”- always have been, and I hasten to say I probably always will be. I’ve always had more guy friends than girl friends, but my girl friends are OH SO SPECIAL, and our relationships are so meaningful and deep. I like a lot more things that guys like than girls like and a lot fewer things that girls are supposed to like. I guess I could throw in a Sociology lesson here from last semester, but I will not. That would take all the fun away. 

S said something the other day that made me stop and think, and I found myself wandering off in thought later that night, thinking, “he’s right!” So here it is:
- I really, REALLY like fast cars. I like to drive fast in them, and I rarely trust the skills of the driver in comparison to mine (S’ company notwithstanding).
- I like very curvy roads. I feel like I could keep up a conversation about cars and which ones which are and WHY they are the way they are- now when it gets down to CCs and horsepower and torque and blahblahblah, I’m lost. (I say this because at dinner the other night, S’ daddy said he was impressed that I knew what an M3 was.)
- I looooove motorcycles. S turned his on the other day and I was breathing in the exhaust- heck yeah, it smells good!!! I love being on them (on the back, anyway), I love all the lingo that goes along with riding, I love hearing them, I love watching them, love them love them love them. 
- I REALLY like a good steak. Rare, please- and still bleeding would be a treat.
- I love loud music- sunroof back, windows down, tunes cranked to as high as I can stand it. Oh, yes. (Although at the same time I love loud music and the crazy stuff we listen to sometimes, if I’m by myself sometimes I like to have the ballads and softer stuff playing for awhile- it just depends!)
- I love sports and have always excelled at them (not bragging, just saying how very competitive I am). I LOVE soccer, football, beach volleyball, gymnastics, swimming (not doing it, mind you!) and I’m actually getting into basketball. (Huge gasp from the peanut galleries, I know.) I guess I never gave it a chance b/c I didn’t think I liked it- it’s actually better than I thought. Kudos to S for bringing me to a game- I hope it’s not the last one you take me to!
- I think there are appropriate situations to let out a vile word or two- nothing sacreligious, just…pointed.  :)  Like a few rows ahead of here…I wanted to say something other than “heck yeah”.  HA!  :)
- Nothing like a good beer and some pizza. Good, cold beer. Rarely will you see me drinking one of those fancy, uppity, “girly” drinks. 
- I never want to pay for a manicure- pedicure, yes, b/c darn it, those things are just hard to reach sometimes. Fingernails, I can do and don’t need the treatments and the fake nails and the acrylics and the blahblahblah. Bylech.
- I love purses and shoes, but lately it’s just been shoes. You can only have so many brown and black and printed purses, then the novelty sort of wears off. But shoes….oh. Now, there, I am a TOTAL girl. Jewelry…not so much. A few great necklaces , some really nice earrings and a ring. I’m done. 
- I don’t get offended easily- say whatever you want. Better to be honest and go ahead and deal with it if it’s something that needs to be dealt with than harbor it and squash it only to have it come up in some conversation way down the road at an inappropriate time. Bring it up, talk about it, fight about it, be done with it. 

In the same ways that I’m very much not a girl, there are some things that are just intended to be girly. Having S open doors for me (church, car, home, restaurant, etc.) is just fantastic. It makes me feel so special and loved. Wait. Let’s just leave it at special.  :) All the “girly” things surrounding a relationship that really are special and really do mean something, the things that make the other person feel appreciated and giddy and like they’re the only person in the world to you- aaaaaall that stuff….the hand-holding, the surprise of flowers on a…Tuesday, being sweet and letting down the guards we put up to be vulnerable and open with the other person, kissing and not caring who sees, getting all caught up in the other person. Undeniably, one of my favorite things is to be wrapped up in his arms, staring up at him while he looks down at me and makes me feel incredibly safe, protected and cared for. 

Then, of course, we get in the car and take off w/Nickelback blaring, flying down the roads at Mach 1 and taking curves at breakneck speed…both of us grinning and laughing the whole way there. Ain’t love- I mean, life- great?